I feel that our modern culture is too focused on me, me, me. So I am not a fan of all the books and people telling you to find your inner child or something like that.
However, I do feel very strongly that you have to feel comfortable and moderately happy. Not all days are good and you will not always be happy. So don’t let a couple of bad days get you down.
You have to look at the bigger picture. Think back on the last 6 months and be honest. Do you feel that you have been mostly happy or mostly sad? Or even worse; do you feel nothing?
If you cannot say that you have been happy for the most part, then you should really take a good, hard look at your life.
What makes you happy?
You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge. So look deep within and try to get a good feel for what makes you happy. When you have found a couple of things that make you happy, find out what is stopping you from doing these things.
In many cases the biggest problem is your own reluctance to make the necessary changes. It may not have anything to do with your marriage, but everything to do with you as a person.
In other cases, your marriage/relationship for whatever reason, is the problem. Perhaps you need to ask your partner to work less so you can have more time to work more? Or you need your partner to support you financially while you go back to school?
It can also be issue with where you live. Perhaps there are few job opportunities or you need to just do something new, get a fresh start?
Let your partner know
Humans are not telepathic, not yet. So it is very important that you communicate clearly with your partner. Let him/her know that you are not happy with the situation. Tell them clearly what you need to and then you can let your partner decide if what you need is something they can give. You have to be open for rejection, your partner may not be able to give you what you need.
Write a letter
There are people who struggle when they have to express their emotions and desires. In many cases it can help to write it down and then give your partner the written note. This will allow you to formulate your desire clearly and you have time to think before you write. This can also eliminate any negative feelings from influencing your words.
Don’t get mad
If you feel you have been treated unfairly, anger is a natural response. However, it is not a good response. Your partner will probably feel attacked if you are angry. Remember, your partner is not your enemy.
When you have said what you want and you feel that the discussion turns into a “but I have done this”, “but you haven’t done this”; walk away from the situation.
Nobody wins when the discussion turns into a quarrel about who has done this or that and who has sacrificed the most and so forth.
For some of us, going through the process of figuring out what “I” really want can be a real eye-opener. It is almost like waking up after a sleeping like the dead for years. Therefore, it is not at all strange that it can be difficult to wait for changes.
But it is important to give your partner and the life you already have, a chance. Maybe you will be pleasantly surprised. Your partner may be able to step up and meet your needs.
So give it a bit of time and see if the community you live in and your family will be able to stand with you as you explore your happiness.